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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412936">Can you help me look after Mikey?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoryMachine/pseuds/StoryMachine'>StoryMachine</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Happy Ending, Highschool AU, Pining, childhood best friends, friends to loveeeerrrrrssssssss, it's a bit angsty not gonna lie, it's also a wedding au in the later chapters, so much pining, was supposed to be a oneshot but then i got carried away</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:40:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27412936</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoryMachine/pseuds/StoryMachine</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jamie needs to go on a grocery run and asks Dani to help her look after Mikey. She may have teased her a bit, may have flirted with her a bit. It's not like Dani doesn't flirt back though, so it's all harmless, right?</p><p>Listen this was supposed to be a oneshot but then i wrote in a wedding at the end oops</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dani Clayton/Jamie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>452</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Yo Dani?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Any chance you can help me look after Mikey after school?”</p><p>Dani looks up, a hand holding a half eaten sandwich and the other splayed atop an open textbook, “we are sitting in a group with four other people and you decide to ask the one person who has a biology test tomorrow?” </p><p>Jamie hums and glances around at their small group of friends. She already knew about Dani’s upcoming test, mainly because she has the exact same one the period right after that she’s fully planning on ditching. See, Jamie already knew that Dani had to study so she’d already asked the others. Hannah was pulling a shift until closing at the mall, Rebecca’s off to some tournament as Queen of the debate team, Peter’s following her to said tournament like some obsessive silent cheerleader, and Owen was driving Jamie to the grocery store. They both had to get enough food to last a week, Owen cooking for him and his mum and Jamie meal prepping for her and Mikey. That just leaves Dani.</p><p>“Just thought I’d ask the person I trust the most,” Jamie flashes her a grin, “besides, everyone else has somewhere to go.”</p><p>“So which is it,” Dani eyes her, “do you trust me the most or was everyone else already busy?”</p><p>“I think it might be something else entirely, actually. I think it’s because I’d like to see you when I get back and I’d like to make you a nice dinner before your big exam,” Jamie says leaning in a little, all teasing and purposeful. </p><p>Dani rolls her eyes. She was going to say yes regardless but it’s always fun to see Jamie get creative when asking for a favour. </p><p>“Fine,” she says, “but I’m only doing it because Mikey’s a really good kid and I know I can study while he’s doing homework.” </p><p>Jamie winks. “I’ll accept any excuse you give to spend time at my house, Poppins.”</p><p>Dani feigns exasperation, “Jamie you’re so annoying. <em>You</em> asked <em>me</em>!”</p><p>“Annoying and cooking you dinner, what a total package. What do you want to eat?”</p><p>Dani sits up straight and without any hesitation, “a whole oven roasted chicken with mashed yams on the side, stir-fried asparagus with onions and mushrooms, homemade gravy, and ice cream.”</p><p>Jamie laughs, “pasta from a jar it is then.”</p><p>The rest of lunch went on with small exchanges here and there, with everyone either studying or planning for something with bites in between. Conversations flowed smoothly within the group, and Jamie found comfort in how easily they all coexisted with one another. There were no pressures to maintain conversations, to start or to be involved in them. Every once in a while someone would have something to share and whoever wanted to chime in, did. It was easy, it was nice, and it was years of friends who had been there for each other through all the tough times. It’s been years of friends who have learned to accept each other’s faults along with their love. Jamie quite liked her friends, she’d even dare to admit that she loves them on the occasion. </p><p>All except for one Dani Clayton. Who was she kidding, <em>especially</em> Dani Clayton with her sweet voice and soft smiles and full laughs. </p><p>But whatever, Jamie doesn’t like dwelling on Dani too much. She doesn’t like noticing the way she feels when she’s catching glimpses of Dani’s furrowed brows across the cafeteria table. Her intelligent, dedicated, hardworking, and studious brows. She doesn’t like how she can feel Dani’s leg bouncing underneath the table, how she can sense the other girl’s nervousness without her saying a word. She doesn’t like how Dani looks up suddenly, accidentally catching Jamie’s eyes, and immediately looking back down. Her ears turning pink as if it were she who was caught staring and not Jamie. </p><p>She especially doesn’t like how Owen is wiggling his eyebrows at her from beside Dani. His stupid, nosy, butting in her business but also doing her a favour later eyebrows. </p><p><em>Whatever, Owen</em>, Jamie thinks to herself.</p><p><em>Whatever, Jamie</em>, his eyebrows think back at her.</p><p>-</p><p>“Here,” Jamie stops her stride next to Dani’s locker, “my keys.”</p><p>Dani’s hand wraps around the dangling keys and her fingers decide they want to brush against Jamie’s. </p><p>Jamie gives her a slow smile, “okay so Mikey’ll come home on his own. Just let yourself in and if he smells bad get him to shower.” </p><p>“Kay,” Dani smiles back, “you don’t have to tell me every time, you know?”</p><p>“I know, snacks are in the cabinets above the sink and there’s yogurt in the fridge.”</p><p>“Yup, and he gets to play in the backyard for a bit before he does his homework,” Dani recites from memory.</p><p>Jamie’s smile gets a bit more soft and Dani’s head tilts slightly to the side, smiles matching smiles and eyes matching eyes. They shared a sweet moment, those two. Similar to the many they’ve shared throughout the years ever since Dani moved to town and Jamie discovered the shy girl was only so shy until Jamie made her laugh. </p><p>“Okay,” Jamie straightens up slightly, “I’m gonna meet up with Owen now, try not to light the house on fire, yeah?”</p><p>Dani bumps her shoulders against Jamie’s and watches her leave. It all seems a bit domestic, if she’s being honest with herself. Though they’re only in highschool and they have the rest of their lives ahead of them, there’s something about Jamie and the way Jamie treats Dani and the way Dani likes to treat Jamie that seems a bit domestic. </p><p>Dani shuts her locker and slips on her headphones, her backpack heavy on her shoulders as she makes her way to Jamie’s house. Dani walked this path with Jamie many times before. Most times they would be laughing and joking around. Sometimes they would walk in silence, a dangling wire of a pair of earbuds shared between the two of them, shoulders bumping and hands brushing against each other. There have been times when Dani wanted to reach out and tangle their fingers together, times when she almost did. But Jamie always knew exactly when to pull away. She seemed to always know when Dani’s spent enough time building up her courage and she would pull her hand away and shove it into her pocket. Or she would suddenly switch a bag she’s holding over to the hand dangling between the two of them. She’s even gone as far as to sneeze loudly into her hand once, when Dani’s thumb grazed hers a bit too boldly. </p><p>It hurt every time, though Dani would never admit it. But she’s decided long ago that to be close to Jamie like this is better than to not be close with her at all. Even when Jamie seems to tease her and outright flirt with her at times. </p><p>Before she knew it, Dani had arrived at Jamie’s front steps. She lets herself in, eyes not needing to search for the familiar shape of the house key that her fingers have memorized.</p><p><em>Why do you have so many keys</em>, Dani remembers asking once.</p><p><em>Because I like how heavy they feel</em>, Jamie had replied. </p><p>And Dani didn’t have to ask much beyond that because she knew Jamie and she knew that the other girl had an unexplainable want to shot put her keys every once in a while. She’s even seen it in action a few times. </p><p>The front door rattles open and Mikey comes barreling in, backpack and shoes tumbling all over.</p><p>“Jamie?” He calls out.</p><p>“Dani,” Dani answers, coming around the corner and leaning against a wall.</p><p>“Oh sweet!” Mikey smiles up at her and she points her chin at his mess expectedly.</p><p>Her head shakes with a smile as he quickly clambers about, organizing his belongings into their proper places. She ruffles his hair as he walks past her, catching a whiff of boy smell and her hand feeling the wetness of kid sweat. </p><p>“Okay yogurt’s in the fridge Mikey. Go play outside for a bit and then shower when you come in otherwise we’ll both hear it from Ms. Sour Face.”</p><p>Mikey giggles mischievously, “oh don’t you complain, she’s only Ms. Sour Face to me, she’s always Ms. Heart Eyes to you.”  </p><p>Dani laughs and goes to close the door behind him as he runs out into the backyard. She discovered a while ago that Mikey can be a bit teasing and mischievous. She never had to wonder where he got it from.  </p><p>-</p><p>“STINKIES, I’M HOME,” Jamie hollers through the house. </p><p>Both Dani and Mikey drop their pens and notebooks, walking out to the front to help Jamie bring in the groceries. </p><p>“The only one stinky here is you, Jamie,” Dani replies jokingly, “we both happen to smell really nice.”</p><p>“Oh,” Jamie’s eyes widen mischievously, “I guess I’ll have to check for myself then.”</p><p>She bends over and smells Mikey’s hair, giving a hum of satisfaction. He puffs proudly and carries as many bags in his two hands as possible, and then some, into the kitchen. </p><p> That leaves Dani and Jamie standing by themselves in the doorway. Dani leans forward beside Jamie and waves as Owen reverses out the driveway.</p><p>“Bye Owen!” </p><p>It was more than enough for Jamie to catch the scent that is so uniquely Dani’s. The same smell she’s grown fond of, trapped in Dani’s blankets and pillows from their countless sleepovers. The same smell that greeted her when she happened to hug Dani on the days she wore the clothes she slept in to school. The sweatpants and sweatshirt days when she’d been staying up too late to study the night before. </p><p>It’s no matter, as Jamie wraps her arms around Dani’s waist and suctions her nose against the skin on Dani’s neck, breathing in loudly. Dani laughs contagiously and Jamie snickers as she exhales blowing raspberries. </p><p>“That tickles!” Dani squeals, squirming around in Jamie’s embrace. </p><p>Jamie laughs as she pulls away. “Alright let’s get the rest of these in, yeah? Enough clowning around Dani.”</p><p>Dani shoves her playfully before grabbing the rest of the bags, running in quickly as Jamie chases on her heels. </p><p>-</p><p>“He’s asleep?” Dani askes from her spot on the couch.</p><p>Jamie nods as she walks down the stairs, hand coming up to cover her yawn. She takes her place beside Dani, legs curling under her, matching the girl on the other end of the couch. Jamie sleepily watches the sight of Dani, of her hair thrown half up in a bun as she copies out neat lines from her messy notes. </p><p>“You sleepy?” Dani askes without looking up.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jamie responds, eyes drifting slowly shut.</p><p>“Okay well go wash your face we have to study.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“We have to study,” Dani repeats, “I know you have the same test that I do so I’m rewriting my notes so you can read them clearly.”</p><p>Jamie grumbles, “aren’t you going home?”</p><p>“Nope,” Dani pops, “called my mom when you were gone, told her I’m sleeping over.”</p><p>“Oh did you now,” Jamie asks, “and what makes you think you’d be welcomed to spend the night?”</p><p>Dani finally looks up from her notebook and flicks a pen at Jamie’s face.</p><p>“Ow!” Jamie yell-whispers.</p><p>“I know you’re not gonna study so I just want to make sure you do well.”</p><p>And that. Well that is awfully sweet isn’t it? And oh so Dani.</p><p>Jamie looks at her, and she can’t seem to look away. It’s moments like these when she can’t ignore the way she feels about Dani, no matter how much she doesn’t want to. Because Dani is naturally so good and kind and caring towards everyone, even Jamie. And Jamie doesn’t deserve it, she’s never done anything to deserve the way Dani treats her. </p><p>She doesn’t deserve Dani’s attention or her kindness. She hardly even deserves Dani’s friendship, but the other girl gave it to her regardless. That, she’s decided, is why she can never say it all out loud. Not to herself, not to Mikey, not to any of her friends, and especially not to Dani. Because having the privilege of receiving Dani’s kindness like this is better than the risk of losing her altogether. </p><p>And so Jamie gets up with a groan and dunks her face under the kitchen tap. She flicks water at Dani’s face when she gets back and before the other girl can complain, she hands her a bowl of her favourite strawberry ice cream. </p><p>“Well right to it then, Ms. Clayton,” Jamie says jokingly as she takes her seat back on the couch.<br/>
She sits as far away from Dani as possible, digging her back into the armrest as she faces the other girl cross-legged. </p><p>Dani kicks her lightly then sits up straight, handing Jamie the neater notes. They fall into the comfortable and familiar pattern of coexisting. But it’s never just that with Dani, is it? It’s always a bit of excitement, a bit of nervousness, and a bit of adrenaline. Because no matter how many years have gone by since they’ve met or how much they seem to get to know each other, Dani always lights Jamie’s soul on fire. Sometimes it’s a small feeling, tickling at the back of her mind. And sometimes it’s an all consuming feeling, like watching Dani as she summarizes five chapters of the textbook so Jamie doesn’t fail. </p><p><em>This is slightly annoying</em>, Jamie complained at one point, <em>if you want to learn biology I can show you biology</em>.</p><p><em>That’s anatomy, Jamie</em>, Dani had quipped back without thinking.</p><p><em>I was talking about the plants in my garden, what in the world were you thinking about</em>? Jamie had laughed.</p><p>And if Dani’s face went beet red or if Jamie’s smile doesn’t quite leave her face, neither of them talk about it. If they wake up the next day with their legs and arms tangled together and Jamie’s face tucked into Dani’s neck, they don’t talk about it. If they both rush to school in the clothes they slept in, both smelling each other on their clothes all day, they don’t talk about it. </p><p>Because though they may light each other’s souls on fire, right now they are just two girls trying to figure it out. Maybe one day. Maybe one day one of them would be brave enough to hold on when the other one reaches out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jamie slips her hand through the sleeve of her suit jacket, snaps on her watch and looks at herself in the mirror. There was a time when she couldn’t picture herself looking like this. Not because she didn’t want it, no, but because she was never allowed it.</p><p><em>You see Jamie,</em> her dad had said, <em>after Denny left for college I realized that I only have enough money to send another of you. And you know Mikey, well Mikey’s a really smart kid. He has a lot of potential.</em> </p><p>And Jamie had understood. She understood what he said and what he didn't. She understood so well that when Dani asked her where she was going after high school, Jamie lied.</p><p>
  <em>I’m taking a year off. Gonna backpack around for a bit and see what’s outside of this small town before I head off.</em>
</p><p>Dani had looked at her sweetly, sweetly enough to almost make Jamie accept her horrible impersonation of their year six geography teacher, <em>well there’s nothin’ wrong with a lit’el bit a travelin.’</em></p><p>The two of them laughed, laughed like all the times they did when Dani decided to surprise them both with that accent. </p><p>
  <em>Years living in Bly and you still haven’t managed to get that one down, huh? Well it’s no matter anyway, with you going back across the pond to become a teacher.</em>
</p><p>Dani’s laugh had died down, her smile had gotten smaller, <em>you’ll still talk to me, right? You’ll call?</em></p><p><em>Yeah,</em> Jamie had said, <em>yeah,</em> she lied.</p><p>-</p><p>The ceremony is beautiful, warm and sweet and beautiful. Hannah looks like royalty and Owen, well Owen still looks like an absolute goof except with a bit more composure and a mustache. She hasn’t seen either of them since high school, any of them, at least not in person. </p><p>Every few years she would search them all up, check to see how they were doing. Hannah, Owen, Rebecca, even Peter. </p><p>Never Dani. </p><p>She knows Hannah and Owen have been engaged for two years now, the two of them sharing a commitment to each other and a Michelin star restaurant in Paris. She knows Rebecca’s a partner at a renowned law firm in London, her name proudly displayed on the website and newspaper articles. She knows Peter’s a wall street guy in New York with a wife and a daughter, always posting about stocks and his family. She knows the big things, the things they shared with the world but she doesn’t know anything beyond that. </p><p>She doesn’t remember any of their voices, if she’s being honest. Doesn’t even recognize Owen’s voice until he starts getting choked up a few words into his vows and starts speaking at the pitch she was used to. She doesn’t recognize Hannah’s at all, now woman, power, poise, elegance, and no longer girl. </p><p>But she remembers Dani’s.</p><p>Dani with her low tones when she was serious and high pitches when she was excited. She remembers all of Dani’s voice. She remembers Dani’s whispers in the darkness of sleepovers, secrets shared between jokes and chuckles shared between tears. She remembers Dani’s shouts of, <em>JAMIE,</em> excitedly across the school yard as she ran to her and, <em>JAMIE,</em> in the hallways as she ran after her. She remembers Dani’s cries, words choked between tears because Jamie’s dad was always underground with a pickaxe and Dani’s dad was forever underground in a coffin. Because Dani’s mom was gone with some drink and Jamie’s mom was gone with some man. </p><p>But most of all, she remembers Dani’s laughter. Dani’s squeals when Jamie would jab at her sides and her silent gasps, clutching at those sides when the two of them would relentlessly layer jokes upon each other’s jokes. </p><p>She remembers Dani.</p><p>Dani, who she never allowed herself to look up because it was just too painful. Dani, who sent her messages everyday for the first two years after high school, all of which Jamie ignored. Dani, who Jamie secretly blocked one night, four years after they last spoke. Dani, who sent her a wedding invitation to the office of her landscaping company five years after she completely erased herself from Dani’s life. </p><p>
  <em>Mr. &amp; Mrs. Edmund and Danielle O’Mara</em>
</p><p>She didn’t know what to do with that card, one that she wanted to throw away but couldn’t because it was the first thing she’s received from Dani in nine years. She ended up putting it in a shoebox underneath her bed, forgotten until she has the urge to check in on Dani every once in a while. </p><p><em>Danielle O’Mara.</em> </p><p>She’s traced <em>Danielle O’Mara</em> with her fingertips so many countless times. She’s pictured <em>Danielle O’Mara</em> off paper, with her flowing white dress and tearfully happy eyes. She pictured her wedding day, one that she’d heard in plans and blueprints and envisionings. She pictured the days after, <em>Danielle O’Mara’s</em> name next to her husband’s on a house, with her happiness painted across their walls and her love as the foundation for their home. She pictured <em>Danielle O’Mara</em> as a mother. </p><p><em>Flora, if it’s a girl,</em> she had said, <em>and Miles, if it’s a boy.</em> </p><p><em>Flora for flowers?</em> Jamie asked, <em>and Miles for the amount of miles you’ll have to go to find someone who’ll want to have kids with you?</em> </p><p>Dani punched her in the arm, <em>Miles for the miles I’m willing to go to get away from you.</em></p><p>They were only joking back then, but looking back Jamie wishes they had never said it at all. Because looking back Jamie thought it was saddeningly funny how they had almost predicted it, almost spoke it into the universe, and then it happened. It happened and now Jamie is in the back of a church seeing <em>Danielle O’Mara</em> for the first time since she was seventeen. </p><p><em>Danielle O’Mara,</em> who is now standing with the bridal party in the front, tears silently rolling down her eyes as she listens to Owen and Hannah, to their promises of love and devotion to one another. Her tears fell and she let them, not bothering to wipe them away. No one else noticing to wipe them away. </p><p>For some reason it makes her think of the time Mikey brought home a cat.</p><p><em>Why’re you wearing sunglasses?</em> Hannah had asked her at lunch.</p><p>They were all sitting in the cafeteria and even if they weren’t, it was too cloudy outside anyway.</p><p><em>Got into a fight with a bear,</em> Jamie said, <em>black eye.</em></p><p><em>Yeah right,</em> Peter snorted.</p><p>
  <em>Fine, got into a fight with a chimera then. Black eye.</em>
</p><p>Nobody thought to question it after that, if Jamie didn’t want to tell them then Jamie was never telling them.</p><p>It wasn’t until after school when it was just Jamie and Dani walking home together when Jamie finally cracked. </p><p><em>Dani,</em> she said softly, <em>Dani, my eyes are so. fucking. itchy.</em></p><p>They halted on the sidewalk and Dani slowly reached over to take off her sunglasses. </p><p><em>Jesus,</em> Dani whistled. </p><p>Jamie’s eyes were swollen and puffy and red and so. fucking. itchy.</p><p><em>What happened?</em> </p><p>
  <em>Mikey brought home a cat and I found out I’m allergic is what happened.</em>
</p><p>And Dani snickered, she couldn’t help it. <em>Black eye from a chimera?</em></p><p><em>Itchy eyes from a cat,</em> Jamie answered. </p><p>And Dani dragged the two of them to the pharmacy, grabbed a pack of allergy pills before they headed over to Jamie’s house. She insisted on laying Jamie’s head on her lap while she soaked cold towels over her eyes, waiting for the allergy pills to kick in. Jamie protested at first, she did. But then when her eyes started to get less itchy she decided to allow Dani to keep her there for a little longer. Dani, who was putting small braids into Jamie’s hair and pulling small laughs out of Jamie’s belly. </p><p>-</p><p>“It’s so good to see you again, Becca!”</p><p>Dani holds her dress up in one hand and her other reaches out to pull Rebecca into a hug. </p><p>“Dani! Oh, Dani, Dani Dani, Dani, Dani!”</p><p>The two women sway side to side between the reception tables, embracing each other in the comfort of old friends and the excitement of new stories to share. </p><p>“How’ve you been?” Dani asks as they pull apart to take a good look at one another. </p><p>“So good,” Rebecca replies, “so good, Dani. I’m so happy and I’m so lucky. I never thought I’d ever be able to get this far.”</p><p>The two share a look, and with that look, a memory. </p><p><em>Do it, Becca,</em> Dani said.</p><p><em>But my dad,</em> Rebecca shook her head, <em>and Peter, I can go to Oxford with him.</em></p><p>
  <em>Do you want to go to Oxford?</em>
</p><p><em>I-</em> Rebecca stopped, she couldn’t answer, couldn’t say. <em>Oxford is a really good school,</em> she ended up saying instead.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, I know, but you said you wanted to go to Harvard.</em>
</p><p><em>I do,</em> Rebecca whispered.</p><p><em>Then do it,</em> Dani said, <em>do it on your own if you have to. Do it without telling them if you have to. Do it because you know you’ll regret it if you don’t.</em> </p><p><em>Do it,</em> Dani had urged her, <em>do it because it makes you feel alive. Do it because you’ve always said you wanted to. Do it because it’s your life.</em></p><p>Rebecca smiles at her softly. “How’ve <em>you</em> been, Dani? Still schooling gremlins and building futures?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Dani laughs, “still loving gremlins and supporting their futures.”</p><p>She spots Peter from across the room, seated at a table with his daughter bouncing on his knee. He’s talking to a man in a smart suit and glances up as his wife returns from the bar. He kisses her hand when she hands him a drink, quick and familial, loving and free. They watch as the two sit side by side, exchanging laughs and conversations with the man across from them. </p><p>“Peter looks happy,” Rebecca says softly beside her.</p><p>Dani turns to look at her, “are you?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Rebecca smiles, “yeah, I am.”</p><p>-</p><p>The bride and groom are making their rounds when they finally land at her table. </p><p>Owen gasps, <em>“Jamie?”</em> </p><p>Hannah gasps even louder, <em><strong>“Jamie?”</strong></em></p><p>“Enough with the dramatics you two,” Jamie laughs, “get over here.”</p><p>She stands and the three embrace, a long overdue group hug that has them all holding on tightly for more than what was celebratory. </p><p>“Congratulations, you two,” Jamie says as she finally pulls away, “I’m so happy for you.”</p><p>“Oh Jamie,” Owen places a warm hand on her shoulder, “thank you, and I’m so glad you came.”</p><p>“Well I RSVPed immediately, didn’t I?”</p><p>“Honestly Jamie, with how long it’s been since we’ve last seen you we thought that was a prank,” says Hannah. </p><p>Jamie laughs, throwing her head back. “Can you imagine?”</p><p>“Uh yeah,” Owen says, “yeah we can that’s why we thought it. Where have you gone off to, Dirt Face?”</p><p>Now it’s Hannah’s turn to laugh, “Dirt Face?”</p><p>Jamie smiles, “Owen and I used to play princesses and knights when we were kids.”</p><p>“Guess which role Jamie made me play?”</p><p>“I-” Hannah gets out.</p><p>“He had to be the princess and I got to be the knight,” Jamie says proudly.</p><p>“And to fully immerse herself in the role, she used to rub dirt all over her face because <em>knights get dirty, Owen.”</em></p><p>“I was once your Knight Dirt Face, Owen, and now I’m proud to say that you’ve made yourself a knight and found yourself one too. A queen, in fact. Congratulations, you too.”</p><p>“Well I’ll drink to that,” Hannah says as they clink their glasses together, “always the poet, Jamie.”</p><p>The bride and groom continue making their rounds after they all promised to find each other later. Jamie feels warm, warm and happy as her gaze wanders through the room. </p><p>Her eyes land on Peter, and he happens to be glancing up at the same time. They held each other’s gaze, both lifting their glasses to salute one another from across the room. </p><p><em>What are you doing?</em> Jamie approached Peter from down the hall.</p><p><em>Jamie,</em> Peter looked up in surprise, <em>what’re you still doing here?</em></p><p><em>Detention,</em> Jamie’s eyes narrowed at him, <em>what’re you doing in Bec’s locker?</em></p><p><em>I’m just fetching something for her,</em> Peter replied, he didn’t even hesitate, <em>she forgot something before she went home and I’m just bringing it over to her.</em></p><p><em>Is that so?</em> Jamie asked, <em>well my place is closer to hers so I can drop it off on my way home.</em></p><p><em>Jesus, Jamie, will you ever let up?</em> Peter chuckled, <em>she’s my girlfriend, why’re you interrogating me?</em></p><p><em>Because,</em> Jamie’s eyes flashed angrily, <em>I heard that Oxford acceptance letters started coming in. I heard that you got in and she didn’t, and you got into a fight. I heard that she’s at Dani’s right now and she hasn’t talked to you since last week.</em></p><p><em>FUCK,</em> Peter slammed his fist onto a locker, <em>she got in! I know she did. Becs is super fucking smart of course she got in.</em></p><p>He started yanking out her things, papers and pens scattered on the floor.</p><p><em>Where the fuck is it,</em> he mumbled, <em>where the fuck is that letter.</em></p><p>Jamie’s anger flared up and she pulled him out, slamming him against the lockers. </p><p><em>She’s not going, Peter,</em> Jamie seethed, <em>she’s not going and you’re not making her.</em></p><p>She glared into his eyes and he glared back, anger climbing atop anger. But beneath it all, she could see how desperate he was. She could see how much he needed and wanted and relied on Rebecca and she knew that there were times when she’s gotten so close to feeling the same.</p><p><em>You can’t do that to her,</em> she finally says, <em>you can’t keep her here with you when you know that’s not what she wants.</em></p><p>And Peter finally crumbled. <em>I can’t. I can’t. She’s the only person who’s ever loved me. She’s the only one who’s ever looked at me and saw me and loved me anyway.</em></p><p><em>I know,</em> Jamie sighed, <em>I know. And that’s why you can’t do that to her.</em></p><p>And it was hard. It was hard to be so angry at Peter when there have been days when she had scared herself for almost feeling the same. It was hard to see him, not quite a man but no longer a boy, his jaw clenching underneath his baby beard and his eyes struggling not to cry. </p><p>It was hard, but Jamie eventually backed off. The two of them silently picked up Rebecca’s things and parted ways without another word. </p><p>Jamie heard that Rebecca told Peter she was going to Harvard. She heard that the two of them didn’t talk after that for another two weeks. </p><p><em>I don’t think he knows how to love her,</em> Dani said to her, <em>you know?</em></p><p><em>And how should he love her then?</em> Jamie had questioned.</p><p><em>He would have to love her for her, not for him.</em> </p><p><em>He would have to love her for herself,</em> Jamie repeated, agreed, and understood, <em>not for him.</em></p><p>Peter and Rebecca ended up going to prom together, holding each other through one last milestone. Jamie had spent the whole night looking at Dani, and Dani had spent the whole night looking at Jamie. </p><p>But Jamie never approached her.</p><p>Because unlike Peter and Rebecca, <em>Dani didn’t owe her this,</em> Jamie had thought, <em>Dani didn’t owe her one last milestone.</em> </p><p>Jamie had already decided to let go. She already decided when she found out that Dani was going to have a future somewhere bright and Jamie was going to be stuck working at a convenience store until Mikey goes off to college. </p><p>So Jamie watched Dani as some boy finally built up the courage to ask her to dance. She watched as Dani shyly said yes, hands placed sweetly on his shoulders as they swayed on the dance floor. </p><p>-</p><p>“Come dance with me, Dani!”</p><p>Rebecca grabs her from the bar and plops her in the middle of the dance floor. The two women giggle like school girls as they bounce around in their heels, tipsy from the drinks they’ve had and accidentally spilling some of the drinks they’re carrying. Dani grabs Rebecca’s hand across from hers and Rebecca twirls her in, then spins her out, laughing as Dani’s dress gets tangled with her legs. </p><p>-</p><p>“Hi, Grumpy!”</p><p>Jamie looks up from her drink in confusion, spotting a child tugging at her arm.</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“Yes!” </p><p>“What? Why am I grumpy?”</p><p>“Because my daddy said that’s your name, silly!”</p><p>Jamie looks behind the child and spots Peter’s grin from his table.</p><p>“Is that so?”</p><p>“Yes! Daddy said to ask Grumpy if she wants to dance with me!”</p><p>And Jamie can’t help but smile. “Okay,” she says, “okay, I’ll dance with you.” </p><p>She offers her hand and it’s immediately used to zoom her onto the dance floor. </p><p>“Dance like this,” the child insists, jumping up and down to the exact opposite of the beat of the song.</p><p>Jamie can’t help but throw her head back and laugh. “Okay,” and she’s jumping, “okay.”</p><p>They hold each other’s hands and jump around in circles. Jamie can’t help but wonder if one of her heels are going to break and her ankle along with it.</p><p>Suddenly her head knocks back, slamming into something hard and she stumbles forward.</p><p>“OW!” she says. Or well, she thinks she says. </p><p>But as she turns around she realizes that it’s not her voice she heard. No. It was a voice so familiar to her, so memorized that it was almost mistakened for her own.</p><p>She’s face to face with Dani for the first time since she was seventeen. And they freeze. She sees the shock in Dani’s eyes, she knows the other woman didn’t see her slip into the church pews, hasn’t seen her the whole night. </p><p>And they’re standing still. Still as two people can be. And there’s music around them and bodies moving and lights flashing but right now, right now it's just Dani and just Jamie. </p><p>“Jamie,” Dani finally breathes out.</p><p>“Dani,” Jamie feels herself smiling back.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eleven flights of stairs.</p>
<p>Dani has dragged Jamie up eleven flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator because she’s angry. She’s angry, and furious, and confused. But most of all, she’s hurt. She’s just so fucking hurt and she needs time to think and she’ll be damned if she lets Jamie out of her sight for one more second. So she grabbed Jamie’s hand, pulled her right off that dance floor and dragged her up eleven flights of stairs.</p>
<p>She throws her room door open, throws Jamie inside, locks the door, and begins pacing.</p>
<p>“Dani,” Jamie tries.</p>
<p>They’re both breathing heavily, heels taken off sometime on the third flight. Jamie’s tie has come off at one point, same with her suit jacket. Her shirt is partially unbuttoned and the sleeves are rolled up and Dani hates how, when she looks at her, she sees Jamie’s wild hair and heaving chest and new tattoos. Not new to Jamie’s arms, Dani can tell, but new to her eyes nonetheless. New because Jamie dropped off the face of the Earth fourteen years ago. </p>
<p>Correction, Jamie decided to exclusively drop off of Dani’s Earth fourteen years ago, threw herself and jumped completely off without a word or warning as if she were an executive member of the fucking Flat Earth Society. She shut Dani out, even went as far as to block her, Dani discovered one day. With no reason or explanation. </p>
<p><em>Don’t. Jamie.</em> Dani wants to say.</p>
<p>But she finds it ironic that she’s been wanting to hear from Jamie for the last fourteen years of her life but now that the other woman is finally here, in front of her, part of her doesn’t want to hear what she has to say. Part of her wants to leave Jamie hanging for another decade to show her how it feels. </p>
<p>The last she’s seen or heard of Jamie was five years ago, when she had to Google her to hopefully find an address that she could send her wedding invitation to. She ended up finding that Jamie owned a small landscaping company, that she was doing well for herself. </p>
<p>And it hurt.</p>
<p>It hurt because Dani had to go through ridiculous measures on Google to find even a hint of Jamie. She’s made herself so scarce to Dani that it took going through multiple search pages until she finally found her. It hurt because Jamie hadn’t talked to her in nine years and blocked her on everything and Dani still wanted her at her wedding. But Jamie never responded. </p>
<p>She didn’t even have the decency to give Dani a response. </p>
<p>“Dani,” Jamie tries again, softly, “Dani, look at me.”</p>
<p>And it’s childish, she knows it’s childish, but Dani turns to face the door instead. </p>
<p>“You’re angry with me.”</p>
<p>It is a statement, not a question. It is a statement in the way that Jamie says it as something they both know and not a question in the way that Dani knows she doesn’t expect an answer. </p>
<p>“I’m uh,” Jamie starts, “I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it to your wedding.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t even respond, Jamie,” and Dani finally turns to look at her, “you wanted me out of your life so badly that you didn’t even bother to give me a response.”</p>
<p>And it is her eyes, her eyes that are so furious as she glares at Jamie, eyes that are threatening to spill tears that gives her away. Not just the way her body shook slightly, not just the way her fists clench and unclench at her sides. Not just the way she is standing as far away from Jamie as possible, even within the confines of that hotel room. </p>
<p>It’s her eyes that tells Jamie that she is oh so wrong, so wrong in her statement. Dani is not angry, she hasn’t been angry since the eighth flight of stairs. Rather her anger has transitioned into something else, something far worse to feel. </p>
<p>Dani is hurt. </p>
<p>Dani is hurt and it is Jamie who made her feel this way.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>It’s been five weeks since Jamie’s received her wedding invitation. </p>
<p>Dani knows because she’d gone to the address on Google herself, entered Jamie’s office, and handed her assistant the invitation.</p>
<p><em>Um, you can tell her,</em> Dani hesitated before leaving, <em>if she asks, give her this number and tell her she can contact me whenever she’d like. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Tell her that a number came in with the card, but only give it to her if she asks for it, okay?</em>
</p>
<p>He nodded, looking at her a bit weirdly but still promised to do as she asked.</p>
<p>He didn’t understand and Dani didn’t expect him to. She just didn’t want Jamie to know that Dani had visited her office, that she still looked for Jamie five years after the other woman blocked her out of her life. Nine years after she’d last seen her.</p>
<p><em>Better she thought it came in with the mail,</em> Dani preferred.</p>
<p>And she knew Jamie, at least she did once. She knew that if Jamie didn’t want to, no one could get her to talk. She knew that. But she also didn’t want to pressure Jamie either. </p>
<p>But it’s been five weeks and Jamie never had the want to reach out to Dani. Jamie never called her. She assumed she never asked for the number that her assistant offered. She never unblocked her on anything, never chose to maybe message her instead. </p>
<p>The wedding was drawing nearer. Dani was getting more restless. It was harder for her to fall asleep at night and she started to pace about more than usual. </p>
<p><em>I’m sorry the wedding has you so stressed,</em> Eddie assumed.</p>
<p><em>It’s fine,</em> Dani would reply.</p>
<p><em>It’ll be over soon,</em> he offered helpfully. </p>
<p>Just as helpful as he’s been while he sat back with his arms crossed and his legs stretched as Dani had to flit about every time wedding planning was involved, which was everyday.</p>
<p>Everyday since he put himself on one knee and asked her in front of all of their family members and friends and even coworkers. Everyday since Dani nodded a quiet, <em>yes,</em> and Eddie took it as shock and not hesitation. Everyday since Eddie’s decided to share a bed with her constantly, keeping her up late at night and then sleeping in when she had to wake early to meet up with mothers and planners and hosts. </p>
<p>But these past five weeks have been exceptionally stressful. More than five, if she was being honest. Because it’s been five weeks since Dani made the trip to deliver Jamie’s invitation but it’d taken over a month before that for her to work up the courage to do it. </p>
<p>And it’s this. This anxiousness, this anticipation and fear of rejection, excitement and hopefulness that made Dani finally realize.</p>
<p>She could never marry Eddie. </p>
<p>She has never felt this level of any sort of feeling towards Eddie, or her upcoming marriage with him. Hope for a word from Jamie made her feel more than anything she can ever hear from Eddie, anything she can ever do or be with him. </p>
<p><em>Is there someone else?</em> He asked when she finally told him.</p>
<p>And Dani wished she could say yes. Wished that there was someone else because that would make her less pathetic than a woman who’s in love with a friend who’d dropped her nine years ago and hasn’t looked back since. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“I’m really sorry, Dani,” Jamie says softly, “I really am. I wish I could give you an excuse or tell you why but I can’t, I really can’t.” </p>
<p><em>Because if I do,</em> she wants to say, <em>if I do then I’ll have to tell you the truth, Dani and I can’t. I can’t because you don’t deserve this.</em></p>
<p>-</p>
<p><em>Dani’s pretty cool,</em> Mikey said offhandedly one day.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh yeah? And why’s that?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because she puts up with you.</em>
</p>
<p>Jamie jumped from the couch and grabbed him around the waist, hoisting him in the air feet first.</p>
<p>Mikey shrieked and laughed, screaming his head off for Jamie to, <em>let me down, Jamie! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!</em></p>
<p>And she eventually did, dropped him back on the couch and curled her body around his as they laid side by side. They were silent for a while, the two of them. Jamie thought about Dani and Mikey thought about how one day, it’ll be him who can hoist Jamie into the air instead. </p>
<p><em>What do you really think about her?</em> Jamie asks after a while.</p>
<p>Mikey didn’t have to ask who, not because he was the one who brought Dani up first, but because Jamie’s never talked about anyone else anyway. </p>
<p>
  <em>I think she’s really nice and smart and cool and pretty. I think she’s a very good person.</em>
</p>
<p><em>She is,</em> Jamie agreed, <em>she really is.</em></p>
<p>But Jamie wasn’t, not in comparison to Dani anyway. Jamie wasn’t Dani’s kind of compassion or nice. She wasn’t Dani’s kind of smart, not in the way that mattered to people and not in the way that mattered to colleges or her dad. She wasn’t really good enough for Dani, so she could never be loved by Dani. She could never ask that of her, especially when Dani has treated her so well as a friend already. </p>
<p>
  <em>She really is good.</em>
</p>
<p>She said it to herself, mostly because Mikey’s already fallen asleep but also because she knew.</p>
<p>
  <em>Dani is good and Jamie isn’t.</em>
</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“You completely cut me off.”</p>
<p>“I did,” Jamie nodded, unable to say anything besides admitting it. </p>
<p>“You told me you’ll call. You told me every time I asked you,” Dani’s voice was starting to quiver but she can’t care any less anymore, “you ignored me for years. And I got the message, Jamie, fuck did I get the message. So when I finally stopped you didn’t have to block me but you did!”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p><em>Here,</em> Jamie raised her hand, fist clenched around an object and eyes looking at Dani’s carefully, <em>for you.</em></p>
<p>Dani’s hand came up to rest underneath Jamie’s, her mind planned on stopping right below but her hand came up to wrap around Jamie’s anyway.</p>
<p><em>Oh,</em> Dani said, <em>is this-</em></p>
<p>
  <em>It’s Denny’s, figured he’s not coming back and thought you’d have more of a use for it.</em>
</p>
<p>It was a key. A key with a familiar shape, a key with a twin inside Jamie’s shot put set of keys. The keys she liked to throw around randomly and aimlessly whenever a surge of energy rushed through her arms. The keys they had to chase after countless times when they’d plopped down a hill or clanged across a hallway. </p>
<p>Dani looped a string through her key after she got home and wore it as a necklace underneath her shirts. She never told Jamie, thought it’d be too embarrassing if the other girl knew that she wore the key everyday, even on the days when she knew she didn’t need to use it at Jamie’s house.</p>
<p>She’d gone back to that house once, seven years after high school when her mother decided she wanted to move and Dani visited her to help. She found out that Jamie’s family was long gone, the new owners of the house had created a home for two years and Dani was two years too late. </p>
<p>She knew the right thing to do would be to give them her copy of the key. But she didn’t. Couldn’t bring herself to do it. </p>
<p>It’s on a nail behind the hanging mirror in her room ever since.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“I haven’t heard from you in fourteen years, Jamie! I haven’t seen you or touched you or even goddamned smelled you in fourteen years.” </p>
<p>Dani’s body forces out a sob.</p>
<p>“You took my best friend for fourteen years and ran away with her to fuck knows where and I had no way of telling if you were well or safe or even alive.”</p>
<p>-</p>
<p><em>Smell this,</em> Jamie had snuck up behind her, <em>here.</em></p>
<p>Dani turned around to face the other girl and her face lit up when she saw what Jamie held in her hand.</p>
<p><em>They’re beautiful, Jamie,</em> she’d smiled at her. Sweet and innocent and so unexpecting.</p>
<p><em>Stole them from the neighbour’s front yard,</em> Jamie snickered.</p>
<p>And Dani was impressed. Impressed because she knew which neighbour Jamie was talking about. She’s witnessed that neighbour yell at the kids who crossed her lawn on their way to school countless times. She had witnessed it, because Jamie had always insisted that trespassing over the lady’s property would help them get to school faster. </p>
<p><em>This is really sweet,</em> Dani couldn’t help herself but say. </p>
<p>Couldn’t help it until she bent a little closer to smell them like Jamie asked and the other girl decided to shove her hand of flowers straight into Dani’s face. </p>
<p><em>HEY!</em> Dani yelled.</p>
<p>And Jamie cackled, absolutely howled as she ran away from her.</p>
<p><em>You sound just like her,</em> she threw over her shoulder. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“I’ve loved you since we were kids,” Dani whispers through her tears, “I loved you and you flirted with me relentlessly and then left me to fend for myself.”</p>
<p><em>And there it is,</em> Dani thinks, <em>there it always was.</em></p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Jamie got into a fight. </p>
<p>It wasn’t on school property, she’d quite outgrown that after the first few times she naively swung at the kids who called her a whore. She learned really quickly enough that children who were punched must be protected and children who were called whores before they even knew what a whore meant must be punished. </p>
<p>No, Jamie got into a fight in the park behind the mall when the kids on the monkey bars spat on her new American friend and told her that she wasn’t allowed to be here.</p>
<p>Jamie fought so hard with tooth and nail, rolling around in the dirt while the other kids surrounded her in a circle, closing in on her and three other girls.</p>
<p><em>STOP IT!</em> Her new friend yelled, <em>STOP!</em></p>
<p>But nobody listened and the other kids just mocked her accent and pushed her out of the circle. </p>
<p>Jamie fought hard and Jamie got the absolute shit beat out of her and then, and only then did the circle break apart and the fight ended. </p>
<p><em>Are you ok?</em> </p>
<p>Jamie’s friend rushed over to her. Her small hands lightly touched Jamie’s tummy and the other girl hissed in pain. </p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t do that again, ok?</em>
</p>
<p><em>But they were being mean to you,</em> Jamie protested.</p>
<p><em>I know, but they were worse to you. Look,</em> she rubbed at Jamie’s face, <em>they got dirt all over your face.</em></p>
<p><em>Don’t you know,</em> Jamie asked, <em>don’t you know I’m Knight Dirt Face?</em></p>
<p>And Jamie didn’t mean it to, but it made her friend laugh. And that made Jamie laugh. And the two of them sat in the dirt laughing even though every laugh made Jamie’s tummy hurt. They couldn’t stop.</p>
<p>-</p>
<p> “What?” </p>
<p>Jamie stops. Stops what, she doesn’t know. Because it’s not like she was saying anything or doing anything or thinking anything. She was just listening to Dani talk, giving the woman space to express her anger because Jamie knows she deserves it. She deserves to have Dani yell at her and quite honestly she deserves a lot worse.</p>
<p>But when Dani said those words.</p>
<p>And when Dani said those words she just stopped.</p>
<p>“What?” Jamie asked again. Only because she didn’t know what else to say. Only because Dani’s gone silent suddenly, so silent that Jamie almost wishes she’s still yelling at her instead.</p>
<p>“I loved you, Jamie,” Dani repeats slowly, “I don’t know you now, I haven’t known you for fourteen years, but I bet I still love you.”</p>
<p>And Jamie slumps, her body finding a seat on the bed and her head falling down to her hands.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“I-” Dani goes silent again. “I thought you knew.”</p>
<p>Jamie’s silence, well Jamie’s silence is many things. It’s another, <em>what,</em> for Jamie. It’s shock, it’s confusion, it’s yearning, disbelief. </p>
<p>But to Dani, Jamie’s silence is terrifying. Terrifying because she’s just found Jamie and she can’t risk losing her from her life again. </p>
<p>“Jamie,” Dani pleads, “Jamie, say something?”</p>
<p>And all Jamie could do is look at Dani. All she could do is look at Dani and motion her over and tug on her hips when she’s close enough. All she could do is guide Dani’s legs around hers and wrap her arms around her waist and bury her face into Dani’s neck. All she could do is hold her. </p>
<p>Hold her for the times that Jamie’s been so wrong. Hold her for the times that Jamie’s been gone. And hold her for the times that Jamie’s stolen from them. </p>
<p>She holds her so close. Close enough to feel what fourteen years changes in a person and close enough to know that the change means nothing to two women who’ve been in love since before they knew what love was. </p>
<p>“Jamie,” Dani whispers softly.</p>
<p>And Jamie looks up, she looks up at Dani and she can’t help but say, “you set my soul on fire.”</p>
<p>And then Dani kisses her. Kisses her sweetly and gently, softly and slowly. She kisses her and Jamie feels yearning and want and hunger. But mostly longing. And Jamie, more than anyone else besides Dani, knows what that feels like. </p>
<p>-</p>
<p>“Oi,” Jamie kicks their door open with her foot, “Poppins!”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Mikey’s going on a business trip, you mind looking after his kids with me?”</p>
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